Miles and miles
I’ve been on Ravelry for a few weeks now, and I am completely enjoying it. Actually, I’m really enjoying most of it but not quite all. Just like all the knitting blogs I enjoy reading, there is one little problem that sometimes leaves me with a horrible feeling inside. It’s jealousy.
I want pretty yarn. I want miles and miles and miles of stash. I want to be able to make a scarf for my Dad or a shawl for my Mom for the Holidays without planning ahead for six months to make a half-way decent yarn purchase. I don’t want to invest so much energy in waiting to see the results of every blog contest I find giving away yarn just because I’d like so much to have a little more of something nice for a change.
Jealousy is not a good thing. I don’t want to envy anyone because they work hard and have the means to get the things they want. Or because they had the sense to marry someone who made enough money for them to have the things they want. I don’t want to feel so hung up on material things.
But a part of it is my discomfort at conspicuous consumption. I am uncomfortable seeing people buy too much of too many things just because they can. Overall it’s not good for society, or for the planet or for any of us. And quality is one thing, and it’s important, but when people buy something of a particular name or brand simply because it’s that particular name or brand I’m not so sure that’s necessarily good. It’s artificial and wasteful.
Maybe it’s just the age old “haves vs. the have-nots.” But I’ve lived as one of the have-nots for a very long time, at least as far as material things goes, and I hate it. I hate that sometimes, late at night, it leaves my sleepless over playing the what-if game. What if I had married someone else? What if I’d didn’t have kids with special needs? What if I hadn’t given up my career to take care of them? Maybe we would have more money, maybe we wouldn’t have to worry about paying for the necessities so much, maybe sometimes we would be able to pay for the things we simply want, not need but simply want. Deep down inside I know that most of the choices I made were the right ones; the right ones for the information I had at the time, the right ones overall, the right ones for the situation, the right ones for the overall and long-run well being of my family. That doesn’t always help me sleep at night though.
And I wonder, if I had the money, would I get so carried away? I have to admit it’s possible, but I do hope I’d show some restraint. Would I turn in to the person who has 87 miles of yarn stashed away?
I know that there are a lot more people like me out there, those of us who don’t over do it, whether from simple personal restraint or not so simple budget constraint. I also know there are wonderful, generous people out there, good people doing good things whether it be with yarn or money or whatever they have to offer. This just seems to be one of those times when I’m not hearing so much about them. Maybe moderation is boring, and the struggles or discomfort of others is just too uncomfortable.
