I’m in another of those funks again. My mood is not so great and my patience with everything and everyone is wearing a bit thin. I feel a bit betrayed on some fronts in my life, a bit tired of judgment and intolerance, and completely overwhelmed with so many things.

I had a bit of a meltdown at the grocery store today, when I was running in as quick as possible to grab just a couple of things. I had left RM in the charge of the big guys out in the van for a few minutes - sweating it out with the keys in the ignition to keep the fan blowing. Of course the stupid discount card is on the stupid keychain and the stupid grocery chain doesn’t allow checkers to loan a card to a hurried shopper. I stomped out in anger at the whole situation, ready to go home. Then of course I realized without the groceries I wasn’t going to be able to do supper for the evening, or breakfast in the morning. Of course the store clerks put all the groceries away already, but the nice manager listened to my tirade over the whole discount card situation, had someone re-collect my few groceries, and otherwise smoothed over my frayed nerves in a kind and non-patronizing manner. I am guessing the man must have an overworked wife at home and some experience with these type breakdowns.

But this is why I stay away from my friends when my mood is like this. I’d rather have fits like that in the relative anonymity of the grocery store, not in the middle of people who know me. I have them faked out; they think I’m sane.

To be honest there simply is way too much on my plate. I’m juggling too many chores around the house and too many things falling apart. RM doesn’t let me go to sleep at night and the alarm won’t let me linger in bed in the morning. I’m stretched too thin, totally frazzled and not taking care of the things that need taken care of. At any given moment I’m trying to fix a meal, do laundry, keep RM from dragging the cat around by the tail, answer the phone, research birthday gifts on the internet, and string beads in SW’s hair (it’s an Autism/sensory thing I think) all at the same time.

Tonight RM brought me a clean diaper, removed her old one, and laid down in front of me so I’d finish up the job. I needed my two-year-old to remind me to change her diaper. Some Mom I am.