In the last couple of days, at least one thing has been resolved. I can officially upgrade our financial situation from “impossible” to “incredibly and extremely difficult.” Improvement is improvement though, and I’ll take it.

I was almost certain a few days ago that we were going to lose our house. I spent a couple of weeks trying to figure out where we could find another place to live that wouldn’t make us give up our pets (which would kill SW, those animals are his therapy in many ways) or move us out of TR’s school district (and the special ed program that has him only a year and a half away from actual official graduation and accompanying diploma) and let us rent with the worst credit history in the known universe. Oh yes, and one that would fit in our budget.

You would think that with all the things wrong with this house it would be almost a relief to get out from under it and all it’s responsibilities. We probably have termites, the siding is all but falling off, I have a large tree that may not survive the spring storm season, the furnace hasn’t worked in two winters, and the backyard drainage is so bad it turns into a swamp every time it rains. But it’s our mess, our home, our problem. It’s where the boys have grown up and where RM first came home. It’s the fence I’ve patched a hundred times to keep the dog in, the grass I fight with V to mow every summer, the carpet I clean and vacuum around the holes in. It’s the street I’ve watched the school bus drive down twice a day for years, the neighbors who are good friends and neighbors who makee me sigh in exasperation, and the colonies of ants I battle every Spring. I’ve taught kids to ride bikes here, taken hamsters to their final resting place here, planted lilacs and watched them bloom, and nurtured a twig of an oak tree that is still going strong. It’s my home, our home and I don’t want to let it go.

To stay here, nothing will get fixed in the near future. I’ve had to trim the already tiny budget even further. Some of what few luxuries we have will go away. Nothing is certain, and like always in life it could still fall apart, literally and figuratively, at a moment’s notice. But there’s hope, that as long as I keep working hard we still have a tenuous grasp on control. I’ll take that.