We are now in the middle of Heatwave: Round 2. This seems like a perfect day to share a few memories of last winter.

This is my backyard covered in snow. It looks best this way, the snow covers all the bare spots in the grass and the mess the kids and dogs leave all over the deck. I love it.

See my wonderful Adirondak chair, covered in snow? My dad made a pair of them for me. The snow also covers up where the dogs chewed the arms.

Here’s the dog responsible for half the mess on the deck, and most of the chewing. Fortunately, he outgrew the chewing eventually: before he completely ate the deck, but after we had to replace several dozen fence posts.

I think I need to go outside now, and see if I can get good pictures of the waves of heat radiating off the pavement. They will make good posts sometime in December or January when it’s 10 degrees outside instead of 100!

It seems wrong to go a day without putting something here. I doubt if anyone is actually looking, so I’m only disappointing myself, but if I can’t be there for me, who will?

I’d do another picture post, that was fun, but I seem to have killed the camera. It was a cheapie to begin with, and I really want another one anyway, but the timing is bad. There just isn’t any extra room in the budget right now. I do want more pixels though! I also want a camera that doesn’t have this half a second delay between the flash and the picture taking. RM appears drunk in most of her pictures because first it flashes, then she blinks, and then it takes the picture. I’m not sure how that works, because everything is still lit well, but I don’t have that problem with other camera, just mine, so something is up with it.

Honestly I think it’s just too hot to function. I wish I could sleep all day and get stuff done all night. The boys would probably be all for that, something seems to be more interesting to them about playing video games all night long. But considering how fragile the night sleeping schedule is for a 10 month old baby, I don’t think I’ll try and mess with it.

I have figured out the one thing this heat is good for - drying clothes outside, especially wools.  So I’ve been working through all my wool diaper soakers and giving them all a good washing and lanolin treatment and hanging them outside to dry.  They are ready in about 6 hours instead of the usual 48.  There’s my silver lining to the heatwave cloud.  Honestly, I’d take the longer drying time, any day.

This is it, the month, the end of my countdown. This month, this year, in just a few short days, I turn 40 years old.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about that. I certainly don’t feel 40. I still have those days where I look around me, shake my head, and wonder how I ever got to be a grown up at all. Here I am with a husband, and kids, and a house, and debts, and obligations and on and on and on. Inside I feel mostly like the same scared of the world kid at 18 who wasn’t sure where I was going or how to get anywhere at all.

I think the people around me are pretty much split on just who I am as a person. There’s a big group, headed up by my Dad, who think I’m a pretty messed up, underachieving and out of control fool who’s lucky to keep things together most days. Then there are quite a few who think I have it all figured out, admire how I’ve managed a lot of challenges, and turn to me for advice of all things. So who’s right? I honestly don’t have a clue.

There’s a lot I certainly wish I would have accomplished by now. It certainly would be nice to have at least some tiny bit of financial security at this point. I had all these vague, unfocused ideas about success, and doing something meaningful with my life. Ah ha, there’s the problem, vague and unfocused.

Along the line somewhere, I got a few things thrown at me that I never planned for. There were a few roadblocks to where I wanted to go, and a few unexpected new paths to follow as well. Honestly, I handled some really big challenges and I handled them pretty well. I made a few mistakes too, but I recovered from them as well.

I have a roof over my head, food on my table, and clothes on my back. I have a 16 year marriage that isn’t perfect at all, but makes for a pretty good family. I have wonderful kids, who teach me as much as I teach them. I have joy overall, happiness most days, and never a chance to get bored. Most of all, I still have time. Being this close to 40 makes me aware that there’s still going to be a lot of life left afterwards.

We are going camping this weekend, at least four of the five of us are. SW is going to Grandma’s instead. Camping isn’t his thing for a number of reasons, but that a long discussion for another time.

So on Monday I set myself a list of tasks that needed to be done. First on that list, was making other lists: lists of what to pack, lists of groceries, lists of other necessities. I’m really big on list making. Completed lists help me sleep at night. I’m sure completed tasks would too, but completed tasks aren’t in my destiny.

Now it’s Thursday, three days gone, and what I have accomplished is the creation of really great lists. Fantastic lists. These are totally comprehensive, nothing left out, stripped to the efficient minimum, picture perfect lists.

The problem is, nothing on any of the lists is really done. I know what I want to pack in the car, but none of it is gathered together. I know what I need from what stores, but I haven’t made it to most of them yet. I know what laundry needs to be washed so it can get packed, but I haven’t made it past washing the dirty diapers yet. I even know what’s on the kids’ and the husband’s lists, but I haven’t convinced any of them to get that stuff done either.

I guess I’d better quit writing and head for the lists now.

One day to go now, today is the day before I get to go away for two wonderful days of camping. I’m so excited it’s a little pathetic. But I haven’t managed to get out of town for longer than an afternoon since almost two years ago. It’s a little pathetic how much I’m looking forward to this.

I’m a little worried that once we get out there and set up camp I’m going to collapse with exhaustion and stay that way. It’s been a pretty busy week just trying to get ready. I’m telling myself it’s just that the camping stuff hasn’t been used in two years so everything is scattered to the far corners of the earth, and completely filthy when it gets found. I’ve been washing and scrubbing and fixing and organizing for days now.

Hopefully this will mean that next time it will go easier, and a two day vacation won’t cost a week’s extra work. But that means hopefully I’ll get to go somewhere and do something sooner than another two years from now. Otherwise it will be the same mess again.

Gotta go, time to do a little cooking to have stuff ready to go. Still have one more sleeping bag to wash. And a little more laundry. Have to get the pets set up for a weekend alone. And one last trip to the store. And oh my goodness, how am I ever going to get all this stuff to fit in the car?

It is hard to believe how tired I am. Even after an afternoon at home yesterday to rest, and a really decent night’s sleep, and I am still unbelievably tired. I could sleep another 8 hours I think, no problem at all.

The heat didn’t help. Someone please remind me to wait to camp again when the temperatures drop below the boiling point. We even got out before the worst of the heat Sunday, but but it was still hot enough to receive 2nd degree burns if you leaned bare skin on the side of the car long enough.

We hiked too, I of all people actually hiked. I was all in on the two thirds of a mile trail we headed out for. I was thinking I’m old, and out of shape, and carrying way more pounds than is healthy, but even I can do two thirds of a mile. Unfortunately, we ended up on the two mile trail. I heard tell it was a mile and a half, but no, I looked later, it definitely was the two mile trail.

It really started out nice. It was shaded and woody and green and refreshing. Then my feet got tired. Then we ran out of water. I started walking faster, looking for the end. Then I sat. I got up, went a little further, then sat again. Hubby went ahead with RM, hunting for water. I ended up sitting in the dirt. I was seriously looking for where the helicopter could drop down a rope to haul me up and out. Either that or drop a sleeping bag and three gallons of water and I’d walk out the next day, maybe. Then I just started looking for the vultures.

In the end, Hubby came back with water, the end of the trail was less than five minutes from where I collapsed, and nobody died. We actually gave ourselves a good pat on the back for a job well done. Then we spent an hour in the air conditioned nature center, where we saw how to make a bird feeder from an old milk carton and learned what a Prairie Chicken looks like.

We saw some real wildlife too. Birds, a deer or two, and raccoons. Yeah, there were lots of raccoons. They didn’t even wait for us to go to bed for the night before they were up on the picnic tables looking for snacks. At about two in the morning the furry little monsters gave up on the picnic tables and went for our tent. Hubby woke up and looked out the tent window to see one staring back at him from a foot away. He screamed, I woke up and screamed, and I think the raccoon laughed. These guys definitely have lost their fear of people.

All in all, really, is was a great trip. We had fresh air, a wonderful change of pace from the usual grind, laughs and great company. I’m keeping the gear packed so we will be ready to do it again. Just as soon as the temperatures drop 30 degrees that is. Oh yes, and after one more nap.

I want to do so many things to this site, probably just to show that I can. I’m muddling through like an amateur, or maybe just an idiot, creating some pretty interesting messes along the way.

I don’t know how to host my own images completely. I’m sure it’s an extremely simple thing, probably having something to do with one of the “images” folders in the files, but I’m not all the way there yet. I did figure out the random pictures - yea for me - but I just don’t have time to read through all my cheat sites and find the line of gibberish that tells the blasted post to show a picture from my uploads.

I made a little progress with the archives finally. At least you can see all the posts for a given month now. Unfortunately the headers went wonky and I think it displays in alphabetical order by title instead of date. That will take more translation of gibberish to figure out. Then the page that’s by category is completely not talking to whatever file defines the site template. One of these days I’ll convince them to be friends. For now they seem to be standing back to back and refusing to acknowledge the others’ existence.

I think it would really help me to be allowed to follow a train of thought for more than five minutes. I’m getting a little tired of starting over at the beginning a dozen times for every little lesson I try to give myself. You see, five minutes into any little piece of research, and someone wants something, or can’t wait to tell me something, or breaks something, or starts fighting someone. Even now, just simply trying to put down a few words, and I’m simultaneously nursing the baby and entertaining a running commentary on the list of possiblities for breakfast. I’m not even allowed to get myself a cup of coffee start to finish without taking the time to make a pitcher of lemonade and refill the ice cube trays in the middle of it.

I’ve always thought I needed another set of arms, maybe two. But I think it won’t do much good unless I can have another brain as well.

I’ve been feeling down the last few days, and not coping well with much of anything. Give me a big crisis and I’d probably be fine. But the little stuff is completely pushing me over the edge at the moment.

In the mornings I look again at the weather forcast, and the predicted heat makes me want to crawl in bed with a couple dozen ice packs. I just don’t do heat and humidity well at all. For the most part it’s because that’s one of my biggest migraine triggers, and I’m off all migraine medications right now, preventative and abortive, because of breastfeeding. I need to avoid any triggers like the plague, or my only recourse is: crawling in bed with a couple dozen ice packs, only all of them packed around my head.

I’m trying to get TR signed up for school, and as usual that’s making me nuts. We got a letter from the school wanting $45 for a lost textbook before they would allow him to register. This was the first I’d ever heard of it. After a long talk with my son on the back story behind the book, and practically crying to an Assistant Principal at the school, I got them to search classrooms for it, since the $45 was definitely not in our limited budget. Nothing like humiliating yourself in front of school administrators before the school year even starts. I was somewhat vindicated when they found the book, in the classroom, where it belonged. It still doesn’t solve the problem of needing yet another trip to the school to try and get the registration accomplished though.

There are just so many things that need to get accomplished. The dogs need bathed, but it’s such a challenge and I usually end up bruised and battered. I have sewing to finish, but our A/C just can’t handle the heat, and I hate to work when the fabric is glued to me by sweat. The housework is lagging, and what little I do get cleaned gets demolished just as quickly. I can’t keep the cheerios vacuumed up, the bathrooms freshened, the living room uncluttered or the laundry under control. Maybe if everyone moved out for awhile and started leaving their messes elsewhere?

It’s just so hard to get done what needs to be done. I’m either intimidated by outside factors and having trouble getting myself to start projects, or thwarted in process by complications. Or maybe I’m just overwhelmed by my own complaints, justified or not.

Forgive me, but this is a post to experiment with my skill at posting pictures. Wish me luck!

We are cloth diaperers around here, for the most part. I’ll admit to using an occational disposable on a bad day. Or if I don’t have the cloth folded and ready to go for Hubby he will grab one. But the majority of our diapering pollutes the waters, not the landfills. Some time ago I gave up on cloth covers and went to wool instead. It’s wonderful stuff; RM has the healthiest skin of any of my kids. We have no problems with rashes at all.

Being the poor family we are, I of course couldn’t shell out $20-$30 a piece for wool covers, but I’m a big do-it-yourself type person anyway, so crocheting my own was no big deal. I can’t knit though, I’ve tried many times over the years but I just don’t have the skill for it, or the patience to develop the skill. But searching the net reveals a wealth of patterns and ideas, and I made our first set of covers using the Tickle Turdle Wool Wrap Pattern.

Here’s a picture of a wrap that I finished recently. This is a great neutral color, I’ve used it for several things. It’s Paton’s Merino wool.

A weakness of mine, as I’ve mentioned before, it watching crafting shows. The dress here is based on a pattern from the website for the Carol DuVall show. Luckily, this was from materials I had sitting around, some crochet cotton and a scrap of fabric. The boys actually have a stuffed cat made from this same fabric. RM looks really cute in this, although she still needs to grow just a bit more. I’m hoping it will look good with a T-shirt under it and maybe some tights when the cold weather rolls around. I’ll probably have to make another, slightly larger one in the spring.

So there we have it - another successful picture post! Sometimes I amaze myself with the cleverness for figuring things out. Or should I be ashamed that it’s taking me so long?

There’s a headline story on Yahoo! with a line below it that says “Whenever we say something witty, odds are we are quoting a movie.”

It’s depressing to think that is actually true. As a whole, are we incapable of original thoughts, witty or otherwise? I guess it just makes me sad to think that most clever and entertaining conversation occurs only because as a whole, everyone watches movies. I guess the collective mentality of everyone around us has weakened to the point that we can only quote the words of others. And those others are the few with the intelligence to go and write for Hollywood? So much for the best and brightest devoting themselves to scientific progress and intellectual advancement.

I do know several people who pepper their conversation with quotes from comedians or movies or celebrities. What’s really obnoxious is when they deliver thoes lines as if they were original; some brilliant thought of their own. They don’t even give credit to the source, or at least admit they are parroting someone else’s lines. Even more sad is that my kids are starting to do it. That must make it time to turn off the TV.

I guess that’s what the policy of rote memorization in public school will give us though. They teach us read this, remember it, spit it back out, then forget most of it. The world will accept you as long as you can recite back a line or two at the appropriate time.